Anxiety and fear have an interesting relationship. Are they different entities or one in the same thing?
As of now I'm undecided on the answer to this question, however I do know that certain fears can result in very uncomfortable amounts of anxiety. It is how you understand and interact with that fear that makes the difference. Once a fear is understood, sometimes it ceases to exist, and as such so does the anxiety associated with the fear.
I believe that a better word for anxiety would simply be "fear". However in some cases it's not so easy. The fear is understood but it is too "stuck" on that person. It's too overwhelming, or the belief associated with the fear is simply too "sticky". The person can't let go of the fear or doesn't know how.
At an earlier point in my life I didn't believe my anxiety was connected to fear at all.
“What… fear? I don’t have any fear… there’s something wrong with me, it’s not about fear”.
The belief "there's something wrong with me" was actually the fear itself. The fear that something was wrong with me and my desperate attempts to fix that thing. It wasn't until understanding what I thought was wrong with me and seeing myself from a different angle that I got some relief.
If you search online for help with anxiety you’ll find a myriad of explanations. I remember watching one video years ago looking for help and came across a video that said anxiety was the result of lactic acidosis. These videos can be a great draw for some people as they promise a magical cure for anxiety. But how does this explanation make any sense? How does it address a person's underlying belief systems and fears? Magic pills and diets and such may provide some relief to anxiety, but they often don't get to the root of the issue.
(Having said this, there are times where diet changes or some basic supplements can help people deal with anxiety).
Fear is distressing when you don’t understand it. When it’s mysterious. Once you really understand what the fear is about then half the battle is over. It’s no longer scary… you understand where it’s coming from. And once you understand where it’s coming from you can address it. You may realize that whatever the belief is that’s causing you fear simply isn’t true. Or you may simply choose that you don’t need it in your life anymore.
Fear I believe is the reason why anxiety is so troubling for some people. For one it’s mysterious… where is this coming from? Why do I feel like this? Why isn’t anything helping this go away?
And two, because you are experiencing your fear in real time, and that’s what makes it such an unpleasant sensation. It’s can be a very superficial explanation to say you’re feeling “anxious” because that doesn’t really explain anything. More apt would be to say “I’m experiencing the fear that I’m not good enough”. When you put it this way, it's no wonder you don’t like feeling anxious.
Let’s take an example. A person believes that their self-worth depends on their intelligence. This was reinforced as a child when their parents gave them affection when they got good grades in school, but withheld affection at other times. In other words the belief could be something like “if I am intelligent, then I am loved… and if I am loved, then I am worthy”. People hold all sorts of such beliefs in their unconscious mind without really realizing it. They have a sense of it, but the belief hasn't been understood in common language.
This person may be somewhat aware that they have some sort of issue with the need to be the smartest in the room, but they are likely not aware of their bottom-line belief, and moreover that fact that it is simply a belief. Things that happen to us as children seem to be ingrained in us, however when you trace things back properly it’s always possible to reveal a choice that was made. And a choice that was made as a child is a choice that can still exist years and years in the future… but it can always be unmade in the present day.
So this person has extreme anxiety when taking any sort of exam for university. Their mind races, their heart beat rises when they sit down for the exam, their hands are sweaty. The entire process of taking an exam is a massively stressful event.
This person doesn’t understand what is going on inside of them… they just know that they are frantic with effort to get as high a grade as possible on this exam.
“If I don’t get an A on this test then I am not loved, and if I am not loved then I am not worthy”... may be what is going on inside this person at an unconscious level.
People have all sorts of beliefs that give them “worth”. In this case (and in many cases in real life) worthy seems to almost be synonymous with that person’s existence. If I have this thing that I need then it gives my entire being meaning. If I don’t have it then it’s like I’m nothing… like it’s almost pointless to even exist.
Now we can see why it is so important for this person to ace this test. Their entire self-worth depends on it.
Is every case of anxiety that severe? No definitely not always. Some fears run deep within us and some are more superficial.
We often like to run from our fears, because of course, why wouldn't we? They feel horrible and we want to get away from them. I believe that part of anxiety is the act of running away from the fear. Not actually running, but running in our minds. That racing feeling... the mind spinning and searching and not knowing what to do.
The caveat is that without the running you’re left face to face with your fear. And perhaps you’re not ready to do that, or you don’t know how to do that, or you don’t fully understand what it is you’re facing. Without fully understanding what this fear is, and that it’s only just that – a fear – we run to a place of comfort.
In a Holistic Counseling I strive to help patients understand their anxiety to my best abilities. This may mean going through some difficult and uncomfortable feelings, but in understanding comes peace.
If you’d like to come in for a Holistic Counseling session feel free to contact me at the bottom of my home page.
So long,
Matt
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